Men as Mentors

Written by Norma on 06 July 2010

Having men mentors can be dicey. It would be a lie to say it was roses all the way. The relationship between a male mentor and a female mentee can be complicated. We are human. Sometimes we aren’t quite sure what we feel.

To the women mentees out there, my advice to you is to always stay above reproach. That is, never ever get involved sexually or romantically with your mentor. When it gets too complicated, cool things off. Find another mentor if need be. Do without one if it means cutting off the friendship so that you can maintain your reputation.

Once, a colleague who saw me work late into the night made some oblique comments about my mentee-mentor relationship with one of the directors in my workplace. She was completely out of line but she made me realise that while I was treating the relationship with full transparency (ie., there was nothing whatsoever to hide), others did not view it the same way. Out of the darkness of their own hearts, they spoke. And what they had to say was ugly and not pleasant at all. What my colleague had to say also then forced me to question if my mentor was as emotionally detached from me as I was from him. That made things difficult.

Long Lasting Friendships

The same complication may exist with a female mentor, but the emotions are better managed as one might view the more senior woman as a wise aunt or perhaps an ‘adopted’ mother. As friendships deepen, the mentor-mentee relationship can become a long lasting friendship. One can go to this older friend to seek advice and can be assured of her giving her unbias views in a gentle way. Then it is up to you to decide what to do with what you have heard.

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