But this year, we decided to really put in the work and effort, and investment, to make it work. Hence the retail shop and the rest of it.

Today, I found a great little song that I used to sing as a kid. The singing teacher at Bukit Bintang Girls’ School taught it to us, but I doubt now that she understood what the song meant. I have downloaded it and reuploaded it into You Tube. This is the link.

Sung by Malvina Reynolds, it tells of people who go through life all in some formula, living conventional lives. It would also sound like she means to ‘mock’ the conventional life, but look again, and perhaps not. Except for words like Ticky-Tacky, meaning that we go through such plastic-ky lives… doing what we think is ‘right’ at the right time.

Which brings me to a training programme I recently did with a group of fabulous women leaders in their 20s. They have their lives ahead of them, these wonderful women. Mistakes to be made, glories to be won, and so many things. Time is on their side and they will embark on the most miraculous journey called ‘life’. How will they choose? Ticky Tacky lives? Or exciting fabulous unpredictable and amazing lives… how they choose to live will also determine how they lead the groups they will become responsible for. Of course, no one expects anyone to be Bungee Jump Sort Of Leader… but the choices we make in life do so determine the extent we will go and how far we push the envelope in our lives.

Ticky Tacky? Just the same?

These are thoughts indeed….

My daughter, all agog with delight as her mother had promised to take her shopping before her upcoming holiday abroad with her aunt so that she can look right for all the outings her aunt will be taking her to, was ogling the clothes and shoes as well, albeit at a different age range, although I must say in my defence, that sometimes, there is overlap and then we share. Both mother and daughter were happily engrossed in the spirit of consumerism and spending adventure.

‘Swipe’ went the credit card. ‘Ting’ went the register. ‘Thank you’ went the girl. ‘Smile’ went the daughter. ‘Happy’ is the Mum. I was giving to my daughter a part new wardrobe for her trip but also for her admission into a new school year and into upper secondary. She is fast becoming a woman, I reflected, smiling away on the inside and proud of her.

The next day, my son came along to me and said, ‘Let’s go to the movies, Mum, my treat.’ And so we three ended up watching ‘Tron Legacy’ the next day at Vivo again, but not before he quietly and obliquely complained that he wanted to spend time with me too alone, shopping. I had been too engrossed in work, seems to his unspoken statement.

He made me think. He wanted ‘to spend time with me alone too,’ he had said. So maybe I was not spending as much time with the both of them as I should have, that to spend time together, we had to go shopping or to the movies.

This is the season for giving. My son’s statement made me reflect about the meaning of this season and what it means to give, to really give…. The best gift we can give to each other and to our loved ones is our time, our presence and our being-ness with another person. To understand those we love and who love us. To pause and reflect how good it is to have PEOPLE in our lives, and not things alone. And that it is PEOPLE in our lives that is what matters, not the shoes, the bags, the clothes, the movies, the things…And that it is much easier to write a cheque for the lesser fortunate than it is to give our time and energy, and our mindspace to their needs… Much easier to earn money and to give a portion of that money away, than to dedicate the same time energy effort, that could be spent earning money, to the ‘needies’.

Both types of contributions and donations are good. Both types of giving are needful. Money is necessary and vital to support the needies. But giving time, energy and effort — well, that brings the recipient closer to home, doesn’t it? Wouldn’t meeting the needies face to face make them more real than just a name on a cheque, written out by remote and posted out? Wouldn’t it make these ‘needies’ somewhat more like our own children or family who says ‘I want your time this season. I want your presence. Not just another gift, and not just money, though that is nice and much appreciated.’

Yes, I think it would. It would put faces to our cheques, faces to our gifts, faces to all the things we pay for with a swipe of a card. We need to give each other time, our presence and our being with them. There is a saying that it is people who makes us real. Because there is you, therefore I exist.

So this Christmas, let’s give thanks for the people in our lives. Let’s spend time with them. Whether our families, friends or the charities we support. Let’s give them the gifts of time and money. Let’s have a blessed time being present to those in our lives.

Dear Friends

Thanks for writing to me.  Many of you bought the Singapore Women’s Weekly and some wrote to me.  Thank you!  It is such a privilege to be invited to write a column for SWW.  Besides the love for writing, it is also wonderful to be able to share with new friends and well, yes, some strangers who become friends.

A special lady called Elin wrote today and asked me to share something on my 4 quadrants of life, namely, work, spiritual, family and social.  So I thought I should share.

Family

I was invited to be the Orator at the Annual Oration & Dinner for the Obstetricians and Gynaecologists Society of Singapore.  I was of course delighted. The event was last week and I had a great time with the wonderful doctors who had lots of insights and I loved listening to them!

Well, what I said to them as what I shared with another group of senior people last week when asked to describe myself – I said that first and foremost I am a mother.  I know some of you out there are single women or some of you may not have children.  Please forgive me as I indulge into this part of myself.

Yes, I am a mother first and foremost.  I shared with the OGSS friends that if women stopped being mothers, and good mothers, the human race stops.  And yes, we know there are instances where sometimes women close their wombs, when they feel that having children is not the answer whether because of personal, social or environmental problems.

So to me, I have an underlying priority in life and that is my family.  For example, I was known to have caught the 5pm flight back to KL to watch my son perform at 8pm when he was a young child, and then, under the care of my mother as I was then working crazy hours in Singapore.  I also did crazy things like go fetch him his pencil case when he was a young child because back then he had small anxiety issues if things were not complete in school.  Of course, he is now grown and a young man.  And he is off and running on his own, and I am with a nearly empty nest at home except for my daughter who is wonderful at keeping me occupied.

Work

I think one of the most important things about work is the need for us to be constantly learning and constantly growing.  Take the challenges as they come.  And also to go to courses, learn from others and be ever ready to change if need be.

The worst danger is to be stuck in something and not realize that you have not grown at all, or your skills had become dinosaur and obsolete, and your bosses are wondering how to retire you early.  That is terrible.

So to anyone out there, constant upgrading is a must.  To do that, read, read, read, if you can… attend part time courses.  Do not assume you will be promoted to a position to learn the job.  NEVER happens that way.  You are promoted because you can already do the job before the promotion.

Social

There is a difference between networking and friendship as what I said in my books.  You network effectively so you can find people who can help you to your next job, or to clinch another business deal.  You do it with sincerity, offering help or support to another if required.  But this is not friendship.  You do not tell the person your life story.  They are your acquaintances for business and career.

Friendship… my friends are the same people I knew 20 years ago… yes… they remain my friends… I added new ones.  They are all in different circles and so I have different outings… I try to keep in touch with different groups through the year…  And then there are the few who are the ‘best friends’ category… We can always have more than one…

The only thing to be careful about is to put so much in friendships, and if you are somehow stuck or if you have friends who hold back your progress.  Do a checklist of this and if so, you might need a change, or new addition of friends, and see the Ms Hold You Back less…. much much less.

Spiritual

Life cannot be complete unless we can somehow answer the question of Life Purpose, and who we are.  At some point, we need to know whether there is something else out there, whether we call that Creator, God, Universe… Something.

I believe very much that our spiritual lives are a critical cornerstone and provide an anchor for us.  It is less important who or what you deem ‘God’ …. only very important that you begin a search in earnest and with a true heart, and that you find something at the end, something that rings true to your heart… so true that it is like the sound of your own name… And that’s when you know you have found a truth….

Spiritual understanding is that which gives you reason and purpose on a day to day.

So that’s it.  I know there is more to say. But for a short newsletter, these are my thoughts.

If you have others, please send them to me at norma.gsr@gmail.com

Be happy and be at peace.

With Friendship,

Norma
Gorgeous Sexy Rich & Strong!

Copyright (c) 2010. Norma Sit .

When I wrote the book ‘Gorgeous, Sexy and Rich’, I was asked repeatedly by men and women why I chose this title.   Well, if you remember the show ‘What Women Want’, starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt, what women want is a real question, isn’t it?   To me, it is simple.  Being gorgeous, sexy and rich is what women want.

We want to be gorgeous to the people who count in our lives, including our husbands and lovers, our children and our friends, even if we are dressed in the simplest of clothes and make-up.  We want to be sexy or having the feeling of confidence that we can take on the world on our own terms without needing to be afraid of being put down or harassed, in other words, self-confident.  And we want to be rich, which to me is the knowledge that we are financially independent and we are truly wealthy, wealthy with all the real things which count as well on top of money.  The real things which count are family, friends, health and meaningful work that engage our heads and hearts.

So how can GSR not be your birthright?  It is the birthright of every woman, and yes, someone said, every man.  The question however is, how do we get there?

In my book of the same title, published by Marshall Cavendish, I outlined the roadmap.  Again, it is simple.  Budget, Invest, and of course, you get to Spend.  It takes too long to cover the 4 categories of financial independence in this short article and how you can get to GSR. To go over that, buy my book or borrow it from the National Library. The proceeds go to charity, so this is not an advertisement.  What I will therefore write about here is to respond to three popular questions which I receive:

*   Should I not leave investment to the men?  They are better in maths that women are,

The research shows that women make better investors than men, sometimes bettering the returns by between 1-2% of the portfolio invested.  The reasons for this are that women are more careful than men are and women do research.  Further, women are less likely to have knee-jerk reactions which is to sell or buy on an impulse compared to men.  The reason why men appear to be be more successful than women in investment is because men have a tendency to boast about all their achievements and forget their mistakes and failures.  Women on the other hand, forget their success and remember their failures.  It has to do with how we have always been anthropologically.  Of course!  If men remember how a friend of theirs was eaten by a mammoth tiger, they will never go out to hunt again.  So the male psyche is to pat each other on the back and push each other out to hunt again.  Women on the other hand sit around the community fire and deliberate over their mistakes over and over again as they slowly make mammoth tiger stew.

*   Should I buy the beautiful handbag instead of invest?

The other thing that we women do very well is to gather.  While men were the hunters, we were the gatherers.  That is why we love handbags!  Any size, big or small.  We must have something to keep the things we gather!  Well, maybe.  The thing about buying anything, including handbags, branded or unbranded, is that we have a perception about what is of value.  Once we can see that handbags do not have any real gathering value, but shares do have the ability to grow and to multiply, once we get a hang of that feeling in our lives, we will invest.  The problem is ensuring that the investment grows and not shrink.  When they shrink, we get frightened.  Oh yes, women get frightened easily when it comes to losing money.  But, once we are able to find the right asset class to invest in, one that we are comfortable to make investments in repeatedly, we have found a growth formula that works for us.  It does not mean we will not lose money.  But it means that we are better in growing that asset class than in other asset classes.  In that event, the handbag or other branded goods issue becomes smaller and always seen in context of the larger and more significant purchase which is the investment.  We just need to find the right asset class for our investment forays.  In my book, I also explain why clothes, handbags, shoes and jewellery are not an investments although the retailers are all trained to tell you, ‘Oh, it’s an investment!’  Never be suckered with this line.  Ever!

*   Why should a single woman work towards buying a house?

Many single women make the mistake of thinking that they will let Mr Right take care of the house for them when they meet him.  They do not focus on investment into homes as they feel it is too large an investment or a decision that must be made together with Mr Right.  The problem is for most single women, meeting Mr Right is not the easiest thing.  Finding the right condo is.  In Singapore, it may seem difficult to purchase HDB apartments as a single.  Perhaps then a few single women as good friends can get together, see a good lawyer, work together and purchase a condo as tenants-in-common.  The reason to do that is that property is probably the single largest investment you can make in your work life, and the market moves.  You should not feel that you must sell the property on marriage.  Work something out with your husband-to-be.  He should understand your need to be financially secure as the statistics show that he will probably die before you.  Sad but true.  Also, remember what marriage does to both your assets on death if you do not leave a will.  If I am asked what the mistake I made as a single woman when it comes to investment, it is that I had thought of property as something that one should look at only after marriage.  Buying a home is a big decision. But it is not an impossible decision.  Read, research, plan, understand and then jump in.  You will find it not so difficult after all.  And investing is the same.  Read, research, learn, plan, understand, and then jump in.  Carefully.  But yes, jump in.

And so I came of age again.  This time, my children are both old enough to arrange the birthday party for me!  What a celebration.  My son made all the arrangements, booked the restaurant, ordered the cake, chauffeured us there in his little van and paid for the dinner!

I have come of age.

I am now the grand mother (haha) of an adult son and a near-grown-up daughter.

Time to celebrate indeed.

Happy happy me!

And then I receive this gorgeous card from my cousin.  She found a card that said ‘Gorgeous’.  Isn’t it fabulous!

Life, be in it!

]]> http://www.gorgeoussexyrich.biz/2010/07/09/a-birthday-of-age/feed/ 1249 http://www.gorgeoussexyrich.biz/2010/07/06/wishing-for-money/ http://www.gorgeoussexyrich.biz/2010/07/06/wishing-for-money/#comments Mon, 05 Jul 2010 23:52:14 +0000 Norma http://www.gorgeoussexyrich.biz/?p=124 Chinese New Year 2008

I brought the family and some good friends out to a New Year lunch.   It is the Chinese custom to celebrate the new year with family and close friends with a super meal – not much difference culture to culture, I guess.     Customary New Year meals bring in the lovely Chinese ‘Yu Sheng’ which is a wonderful crunchy fresh salad with yummy slices of sashimi salmon tossed with thin strings of carrot and radish tossed in a beautiful sweet sour sauce.   The traditional Chinese thing to do is to wish each other prosperity forever, happiness, many children (to the newly weds) and of course money.

I looked to a really good friend seated across from me on that huge round table and wished him, ‘Happy New Year and may you see your salary increase three times this year!’   I knew my good friend was struggling with his work life and wants a quantum leap in his career and take-home pay.   His 80-year old mother who was seated at the next table, whose ears were glued to every word her son had to say, said, ‘Oh, it does not matter what he gets as long as he is happy.’

Oops.  Oops.  Money.   Why do people not wish themselves, or their loved ones, money, I wonder.

Are people afraid of money?   Money is a good thing.   Wealth is a great thing!   I love my kids.  I love my family.  But I love money too.  Not the same way.  But yes, I love money.  Why shouldn’t I?

I want money to be in my life and I want so much of it so that I never have to be concerned about having to work for some idiotic person who fears smart women because of his need for security.  I want money to grow in my life.  I want to see that smuack-smuack number in my bank account grow and my net worth increase year to year.  Even if I end up giving it all away to charity at the end of my life, I want money to multiply endlessly in my life.

For yes, money is a form of blessing too.  We need to change the way we look at it.  It is not money that is the root of all evil.  But it is the love of money to the exclusion of others that is to be shunned.

So roll in the money, World!  Smuack-smuack!

In the 1988 film ’Dangerous Liaison’ starring John Malkovich, Michelle Pfeiffer and Glenn Close, a matriach in the film sat Madame de Tourvel (Michelle Pfeiffer) down and advised her that the way that men and women love is different.  When women love, women give their all.   For women, love is long and deep.  When men love, it is something else, she said.  Her lesson, ’Do not be disappointed or expect the love to be the same.’

I have however known men who love long and deep, keeping the memory of their deceased wives alive long after they have passed on.  I have known men who are callous and flippant with love as well.  And, I have known women who are the former and latter.  So, it seems to elude us, this perfect model for love.

Perhaps, until we find ourselves, we cannot find Love, or love.

I am a spiritual person walking an earthly journey.  When I worked on this book, I asked many times how we can balance the duality in us.  How do I balance Spirituality and love?

LOVE (the BIG Love, the Universal Love, the Love for Humanity) is not incongruous with being human, or desiring to be Gorgeous, Sexy & Rich!  Wasn’t it Chardin who said that we are spiritual beings having a human experience?  And Reverend Matthew Fox in his book, The Coming of the Cosmic Christ, who said that it is time to return ‘lust’ to its rightful place!  While we may disagree with the good Reverend’s use of the word ‘lust’, as we read further, we find that he means that human beings can be passionate about living and being human.  Even as we work out our spiritual walk on earth.

So, that’s it.

I choose in my human experience to be Gorgeous, Sexy and Rich!  I also choose to be compassionate and giving.  I choose to be passionate about LIFE.  I choose LOVE and love. I choose the Human Experience of being Gorgeous, Sexy & Rich!  You can too.

‘We are not human beings having a spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having a human experience.’
Teilhard de Chardin (French Geologist, Priest, Philosopher and Mystic, 1881-1995)

What Alvin Toeffler noted in his book, The Third Wave, bears true in my life. What the ‘nucleus family’ is and what the ‘new family’ is about.

Come back to this space or sign-up for my newsletter as I talk through these issues with you and hear your views too!

All other form of shopping BEFORE you have taken care of yourself financially is ridden with all forms of guilt, ranging from mild to mentally destablising.

Lies we tell ourselves:

1. It’s okay.  This is only another $10.  It does not cost that much.  I can afford it.
2. Pamela just got one.  I must get one too.  If SHE can afford it on HER salary, I can more than afford it on mine. Huh!
3. I must wear this pair of earrings for him to notice me tonight.  Nothing else will do.  Just this once!
4. I have worked so hard.  I deserve this break.
5. It’s an investment.  This wonderful designer bag which cost $2,000 is an investment.  I won’t buy a bag for a long long time.

The lies continue.  We hear them in our heads each time we see something we covet.  Yes, the word is covet.  I have been there.  Heart pounding, fingers almost clenched.  Eyes glazed.  I MUST HAVE THAT OR I WILL DIE.  I MUST BUY WHATEVER THE CONSEQUENCE.  Don’t matter if I starve the rest of the week.  I MUST buy this piece of bling right now.  Right right NOW!

So admit it. You have been there too.

So, STOP.

WHY ARE YOU TORTURING YOUR SELF AND MAKING LIFE DIFFICULT FOR YOURSELF IN THE LONG RUN!

Technology brings with it all the great flexibility of working anywhere. Just today, a friend of mine emailed me to say he can’t live without his Blackberry and that he was seated by the pool having his lunch, emailing me. All this is great, but have you noticed that we never stop working these days! Oh dear!

With art, social enterprises for youths, running around in the region doing project work in the oil and gas industry and packing a schedule writing books for my dear publisher, I seem to be busy all the time. I love my publisher the best of course, but without my other work and my financial freedom, Gorgeous Sexy and Rich would have never been written. Writing is an art form. I had never realised it as much as when I enrolled for an online course at Oxford University. And I am in love with the art of writing.

So yes … I work.

But I love my work.

Rather than focus on what to do when work is no longer fun, we should ask how to make work fun.

Watch this space as I begin to write the The Gorgeous Sexy & Rich Rules of Work!

Dates are probably divided in the following categories:

1. Fun
2. Male Meat
3. Possible friendship, not marriage material
4. Marriage material
5. The Soul Conversation- Pre and Post Marriage

The danger happens when there is misinterpretation of purpose by your date and you.  Imagine if you are thinking ‘male meat’, and he is thinking ‘marriage material’.  You will end up having a lunatic on your hands, calling you thirty times a day to clarify why you have not called him back.  Rare since most male meats would probably see women as ‘female meat’ than to think ‘long soulful coffee sessions, sharing our hearts out’.  Anyway, you are now deemed forewarned.

To the women mentees out there, my advice to you is to always stay above reproach.  That is, never ever get involved sexually or romantically with your mentor. When it gets too complicated, cool things off.  Find another mentor if need be.  Do without one if it means cutting off the friendship so that you can maintain your reputation.

Once, a colleague who saw me work late into the night made some oblique comments about my mentee-mentor relationship with one of the directors in my workplace.  She was completely out of line but she made me realise that while I was treating the relationship with full transparency (ie., there was nothing whatsoever to hide), others did not view it the same way.  Out of the darkness of their own hearts, they spoke. And what they had to say was ugly and not pleasant at all.  What my colleague had to say also then forced me to question if my mentor was as emotionally detached from me as I was from him.  That made things difficult.

Long Lasting Friendships

The same complication may exist with a female mentor, but the emotions are better managed as one might view the more senior woman as a wise aunt or perhaps an ‘adopted’ mother.   As friendships deepen, the mentor-mentee relationship can become a long lasting friendship.  One can go to this older friend to seek advice and can be assured of her giving her unbias views in a gentle way.  Then it is up to you to decide what to do with what you have heard.

Four months later, she called me. “Norma, he has really gone totally nuts. I got home last night and he is gone!”

“What do you mean ‘gone’?”

“I mean ‘GONE!’ Disappeared. I can’t find him. I have called everyone I know but no one knows where he is. He packed everyone of value somehow into a few suitcases and is gone! I can’t figure it out. What’s wrong with that man? I have just returned from the bank. He closed down ALL our bank accounts and took all the money.’

The only reason Gerry was not panicking was that they both had a son and she thought the son would know where the father would disappear to.

Two days later, Gerry was having a garage sale selling off her valuable furniture. Her husband and she had sold their home a year earlier and had moved into a rented apartment because he decided to do so. He made her take out the lease in her name which she went along as he did not turn up the morning of the lease take-over to sign the lease agreement. She now was broke, without cash, without a husband, no bank account and had to service a lease on a rented apartment.

What an experience!

‘How dumb!’ did I hear you say? Gerry was not dumb. By far, she was one of the most intelligent and commercial minded women I know. Yet, in her late forties, my friend, Gerry, was broke and has to sell her furniture which she loved and move to a rented room.

I wrote the book because I cannot bear to see anymore Gerrys. I cannot bear to see women give themselves up for love and find themselves broke, divorced, widowed or stuck in a bad marriage. Women should be free. It is no longer about bra-burning or equality. Don’t let men make it seem to be some feminist fight for you when you talk about financial freedom in their fear that you become independent of them!

Today, freedom for women is about being financially smart and taking care of ourselves so that we live lives that are meaningful, purposeful and self-directed.

I was determined to grow up to be important, to have a wallet and to drive a big car.

Of course, I did grow up and I did get all these wonderful things. I love my slate-grey 5-Series BMW when I finally bought it, and am looking forward to the next new 5-Series model due to be out in the market in 2010. I love my handbags, all of them. And when I read in an Agatha Christie book once that you can always tell whether a person was a lady from her shoes, I fell in love with shoes, and only good shoes to be specific.

None of these things gave me the freedom of mind and lightness of heart. They were great. My shoes always make me feel fantastic and in the occasion, whether for the Boardroom or the all-night-crazy-parties I used to go to. Lightness of heart came when I achieved Financial Independence. I was free.

I wrote ‘Gorgeous, Sexy and Rich’ to help women attain the same. It is possible. That great feeling of having enough for the rest of one’s life, and not needing to be worried or concerned about the next job, the next pay rise or the next hand-out from hubby.

Freedom! It can be yours.

Passages

In my twenties, I read a great little book, ’Passages’ by Gail Sheehy.  I met Gail in Toronto at the International Women Forum Conference in 2004.   She was petite, in a stunning red suit that said ‘Confidence’, as she signed autographs.  I bought her book ‘The Silent Passage’ to prepare myself for eventual menopause.  A wonderful woman, she was inspiring to chat with even for a few minutes.

In ‘Passages’, Gail said that people in later parts of their lives often returned to unresolved issues in earlier phases.  If unresolved, these issues stayed there in their hearts or memories and resolution was required for people to be happy with themselves and for them to move on completely into the next phase.  Gail’s book had a profound impact on me.   From then on, I try to in so far as is possible to resolve things within the separate phases of my life so that there are no gaps waiting to be filled.  I am not able to do that all the time, of course.  Sometimes, the person on the other side refuses to meet me half-way.

50-50

On the International Women Forum Leadership Foundation programme in 2004, I learnt the 50-50 Rule to life.  The 50-50 Rule says that a woman should not assume to go beyond 50% of the total responsibility in any relationship over a prolonged period of time as it is not sustainable.   Women tend to do that.  We tend to want to go the extra mile all the time.  Don’t!

Life Phases

We women seem to have more distinct phases than men.  While on the surface it may look the same, I often think that deep within women feel the phases more.  Certainly these phases impact us more financially than they do the men.  Men are not expected to be the caregiver of children, for example.  And most bachelor men escape the stigma of being called a spinster.    I was pleasantly surprised when my father in his 70s decided to call one of my dear cousins who had decided to stay single, a ‘bachelor’.  A few years ago, Dad would have just labelled women who were single ‘spinsters’ which is hardly complimentary compared to ‘bachelor girl’.   Way to go, Dad! You have joined the new millennium.

The distinct phases in a woman’s life are:

• Single
• Married
• Divorced
• Widowed

You need to know your legal rights as a woman in each of these phases.  They affect your will and your financial health.  You also need to know how to plan your own needs in each of these phases.  Being married is no excuse to forget about yourself and your financial independence!   There will always be one more nappy to purchase, one more toy, one more educational programme for your child.  Their needs never end.   You must take care of yourself throughout these periods.

You need to negotiate your way through the housekeeping money if you are a caregiver.  How can you discuss your financial needs with your husband?  Sensibly and without huge fights?

Given the statistics, you are more likely to be alone again in the latter phase of your life.   Men do die younger on average, and given this statistic, you will be left to take care of your needs.   If you have had a great husband like my friend, Perlita, you would be taken care of.  But if your husband was anything like my Uncle Mervin, it is likely that he would have forgotten to care for himself and you as death was a taboo thought.

Planning is important and the right planning protects your future.

We want it all.

The man, the family, the brains, the looks, the happiness, the beauty, the job and the money.

And why shouldn’t we have it all?  In one lifetime, that’s many years to get to where we can have it all.  Loving life, living it and laughing.  Being happy.  Being there.

Don’t you hate it when someone says you can’t have it all.   Just because they can’t or they believe they won’t, does not mean that you can’t or won’t.

I was born to believe in dreams and the stuff that fairytales are made of.   Just that perhaps the way to get there is different today from when Cinderella was alive if she ever was, or beautiful Aurora who slept for a thousand years.

I want it all.  And I do have it all. It wasn’t easy. But it can be done.